Why This Blog?

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I started this blog in 2011

I was at a desperately dark place in my life with no where to turn. 

I learned that my adoptee “feelings” were not welcomed by the world, because they didn’t line up with the worlds expectations of adoption. This left me feeling isolated, alone and suicidal at times. I used alcohol to numb my pain which led me on a path of destruction for 26 years of my life. From the age of 12 until 38 years old alcohol was my escape.

In 2012 everything changed for me

I had previously found out my birth mother was an alcoholic. Not long after I found out my birth father was an alcoholic.

THIS ROCKED MY WORLD

that’s putting it mildly

I had never written before. I had never shared my adoptee feelings before.

This was ALL new to me. 

As soon as I started to write I began to feel a freedom like never before. I had people tell me I was a “beautiful writer” but I didn’t feel my writing was beautiful. I felt like it was filled with pain.

Because it was…

And at certain times it still is.

Sharing untold feelings brings HEALING.

It’s critical for others adopted or not to share their painful pasts, and hurt feelings in order to move forward and heal from that pain. Everyone deserves that chance to heal.

How can we heal if we don’t have a safe space to share our feelings? 

You see, we all need that “SAFE SPACE” to share our feelings, adopted or not. I had a hard time sharing with anyone in my real life because most of my friends aren’t adopted. I would FEEL like I would sound like a broken record, a ball baby, and a hot mess ALWAYS talking about my adoptee experience in which no one I know personally can relate too.

I tried it, and I saw the look in my friends eyes when they had no words for me. I understood because they really didn’t know what to say but they tried to understand and listen. I decided I didn’t want to put them through that anymore. 🙂

When they ask I share which is rare.

I have a small handful of friends who listen. I love them and thank them for that. 

I am THANKFUL for them!

all adoptees REALLY need is non-adoptees to listen and acknowledge our feelings.

Otherwise I share my feelings here and in my online communities such as Adoptee In Recovery & How Does It Feel To Be Adopted? These spaces are my “Safe Spaces”

Over the years I’ve encouraged dozens of my fellow adoptees to start blogs to share their feelings. They have expressed how amazing it is as a healing tool.

My heart and God given passion is to help hurting adoptees. To share the healing tools I have used in the last 4 years so hopefully they will find some healing in them as well. I desire to let them know right from the beginning they aren’t alone and the way they feel is normal for a not normal situation.

Nothing is NORMAL about being separated from our birth mothers and fathers and birth families at the beginning of life.

Our trauma, grief, loss, abandonment, rejection, addiction issues are “normal” considering the circumstances of our lives.

When adoptees here this they are elated to know they aren’t crazy after all!

This is why my blog is here and why I share my journey with the world. 

Speaking of the “WORLD”…

The world is not accepting our feelings, sadness, and grief. This is why as an adoptee community we must come together to be there for one another. We have formed our own “Army” to support one another, to lift one another up in times of need. To listen and relate.

This is why this blog is here.

I love my fellow adoptees and this space isn’t only for me and my healing.

It’s for them and their healing too!

The other reason my blog is here is to share all God has done in my life in the last 5 years. So many amazing blessings have happened and HE gets the glory!

AMEN!

Reach out to me.

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I love you all! ❤

Pamela Karanova

Lexington, KY

Reunited Adult Adoptee