The question that is long over due for most adoptees…
Why have I decided to zero in on this one question and create a community of thousands for the sole purpose of creating a platform for adoptees to share how it feels to be adopted?
THIS is why…
Many of us have spent our entire lives never being able to share one of the biggest pieces of our lives, our adoption experiences. Why? Because we haven’t felt comfortable sharing our real true feelings. Many times non-adoptees aren’t sure how to respond to us, so they shut us down with silencer statements, like “Aren’t you thankful you were adopted” or “Aren’t you thankful you weren’t aborted?” Because of this we needed a safe space to share our feelings.
We needed OUR SAFE SPACE.
The How Does it Feel to Be Adopted community has grown to almost 4000 “Likes” and we have many blog followers in a 4 year period.
The UNIQUE thing about our community is that non-adoptees are able to learn and read and understand from us. I have found many of them truly want to learn and that’s wonderful. This is why the “Like” page is public. So others can learn. The other UNIQUE thing about this page is that it’s an ALL ADOPTEE COMMENTING ZONE. Meaning only adoptees are allowed to comment. WHY? Because there are many forums and pages out there and all members of the “triad” are welcome to comment. This has been found to be extremely triggering to many adoptees, including myself.
To create the safest space possible we have a basic list of guidelines:
The purpose of this page is to create a space for adoptees to share how it feels to be adopted. To ensure that this is a safe space for all adoptees we would like to use the following guidelines:
●Only adoptees are allowed to comment here. No exceptions.
●Adoptees, Keep your sharing focused on your own thoughts and feelings based on your own experiences.
●There is NO piggy backing. This when one adoptee comments in his/her safe space (usually responding to a question asked by the poster) and another adoptee comes and disagrees or disregards their experiences. Most of the time this creates a dialog between the two adoptees. If you disagree with what an adoptee says, that’s your right but please refrain from commenting in another adoptees “Safe Space”.
●Share your feelings regarding the question by clicking “Reply” to the original question asked. Please do not “Reply” on other adoptees responses unless it’s agreeing and understanding them. Why? When you come against them it’s creating an immediate violation of the safe space created for them to share their feelings.
●This kind of communication can be difficult in the best of times, because of misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and differences. When this communication takes place it has the potential to be extremely negative, even leading to destructive outcomes. It can also be very triggering for many adoptees.
●There are no right or wrong answers on this page. Each person is free to express his or her feelings without interruptions in the “Safe Place” created just for them. When you reply to the question asked that is considered your safe space.
●We are here to support one another, not “fix” another.
●If you are an adoptee and an adoptive parent or an adoptee and a birth parent, we value your dynamic experience. We ask you reserve this safe space to share your adoptee experience ONLY. There are other places you can share your adoptive/birth parent experience.
●It’s okay to agree to disagree. We must respect one another’s views even if we don’t agree with them.
If anyone doesn’t follow these guidelines we will have no choice but to delete any comments made if they are violating their fellow adoptees “Safe Place”.
Thank you for reading our guidelines. Together we want to make this the safest space possible so all adoptees can share how it feels to be adopted. – ♡ Admin.
With the guidelines in play it’s created a much more safe atmosphere than many of the online communities. People can be mean, and we have already been through enough grief, loss and heartache & trauma. We don’t need it from one another or our fellow adoptees.
I’m extremely excited that this community has grown so large and we have so many adoptees sharing their feelings. Sharing is healing and that is the entire reason for this page.
WHY IS THIS A PUBLIC PAGE?
(it is not a group)
Because there are plenty of “private” adoptee groups for adotpees to share. Our page is breaking the chains off the secrecy and privacy that surrounds so may adoptions and adoptee experiences. YES, I know there is a need for a private space but when asked I always give a reference for some I recommend. Otherwise I encourage adoptees to start sharing their REAL TRUE feelings because the WORLD needs to SEE HOW WE FEEL! You better believe they are reading, watching and learning! That’s what makes our page different from the rest. The world can see, but only adoptees can SHARE.
Find out more details about this page visiting the About Section.
We have a website for this page where all adoptees are welcome to share their stories. No adoptee is turned away. There is no word limit and you are free to share as much or as little as you would like. (adotpees) This community was created because I see the lack of resources for adoptees in the communities and with the attempted suicide rate being 4x more likely than non adoptees I felt a strong desire to DO SOMETHING! I saw hurting adoptees all over and most have a deep desire to SHARE THEIR STORY. But the question was, “WHO REALLY WANTS TO HEAR IT?” or “WHERE IS A SAFE SPACE TO SHARE IT?”
WELL I WANT TO HEAR IT. THE WORLD NEEDS TO HEAR IT. YOU NEED TO SHARE IT (adoptees) and YOUR FELLOW ADOPTEES NEED TO HEAR IT!
Sometimes it takes that ONE PERSON to encourage someone and I’m here to tell you TODAY! YOU MATTER AND YOUR STORY MATTER!
This is why the website for adoptees to share their stories was created:
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE ADOPTED HAS TWITTER & INSTAGRAM
Our community is growing! I feel the more adoptees I can connect with is the more adoptees know that they are not alone. I don’t wish that feeling on anyone. This community was created for every single adoptee that feels like they are alone.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE! THERE IS AN ARMY OF ADOPTEES WHO ARE OUT HERE TO SUPPORT YOU!
Find us on Twitter @adopteereality
Find us on Instagram @howdoesitfeeltobeadopted
I receive messages and emails from adoptees ALL THE TIME sharing how much it means they FINALLY connect with other adoptees and learn they are not alone. This changes their lives forever.
We must keep sharing. Learning, Growing from one another. The world is watching and we need a space where we are finally heard. Our safe space.
This is why I created the “How Does It Feel To Be Adopted?” community.
Pamela. A. Karanova
Adult Adoptee, Lexington, KY
No One Understands US like US.