I Nominate YOU!- How Does It Feel To Be Adopted Photo Challenge

ADOPTEES

I NOMINATE YOU!

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE ADOPTED PHOTO CHALLENGE:

NAAM is over, but raising awareness on how it feels to be adopted is not.

Why would adoptees waste their time on such a challenge?

Well it’s simple, we’ve been silent for far too long. Our voices matter and there is no better way to bring awareness than stepping out of the box and raising our voices to sing a tune only adoptees can sing. This Photo Challenge is for all the adoptees who feel isolated, alone and like they don’t fit in. It’s for the adoptees who feel like they don’t matter. It’s for all the adoptees fighting for their truth. It’s for all the adoptees who want to network with other adoptees. Its for all the adoptees who have happiness and pain attached to their adoptee experience but the world will only allow them to share their happiness. We know your pain is real, and very valid. It’s time healing start to happen for all of us.

No adoptee should be left behind! 

WE HAVE TO RISE UP AS A ADOPTEE COMMUNITY BECAUSE AS WE SHARE OUR PHOTOS, WORDS, AND FACES WE BAN TOGETHER SO THE WORLD CAN SEE WE AREN’T ALONE & OUR FEELINGS ARE VALID. 

LET’S UNITE & SHARE WITH THE WORLD HOW IT FEELS TO BE ADOPTED! 

WE ARE BETTER TOGETHER!  


☆This photo challenge is for all the non-adoptees who want to learn how we feel. ☆

Adoptees, I would love to feature your photo on our Facebook,How Does It Feel To Be Adopted? Twitter Adoptee Reality and Instagram HDIFTBA Instagram & Blog HDIFTBA BLOG The only guidelines is that you hash tag ‪#‎HDIFTBA‬ on your actual photo, and use the space to share how it feels to be adopted. I want your face in the photo. There is no right or wrong way to do this. Whatever you want the world to know about how it feels to be adopted, it can be one word or many! It can be happy or sad. All your feelings are welcome, I just ask no curse words in order for us to post. Black marker can be seen easier, but feel free to use rainbow colors or be creative!

PLEASE TAG AS MANY ADOPTEES AS POSSIBLE AS YOU UPLOAD YOUR PHOTO TO SOCIAL MEDIA AND WE WILL DO THE SAME. USE HASHTAG #HDIFTBA so we can find one another!

Please email your photo to pamelakaranova@gmail.com OR Send them to our inbox on our Facebook Fan Page by clicking this link How Does It Feel To Be Adopted

Are you ready???

Let’s Go!!!!

‪#‎adoptee‬ ‪#‎adoption‬ #HDIFTBA ‪#‎adopt‬ ‪#‎adoptees‬#adopting ‪#‎adopted‬‪#‎adoptedchild‬ ‪#‎adultadoptee‬#whoami‪#‎howdoesitfeeltobeadopted‬#photochallenge @pwishes <—- Follow me on Insta!!!

HDIFTBA Photo Challenge

Shoot me a message if you have any questions!

Tag every adoptee you know as you share your photo, and don’t forget to put hashtag #HDIFTBA on the photo itself and as you upload it to your social media.

If you have any questions contact me here or Facebook at Pamela Karanova

You can also email me at pamelakaranova@gmail.com

Many Blessings to YOU! ❤

Pamela Karanova, Adult Adoptee

 

Please Don’t Tell Me How To Feel

I have felt the need to share something that’s been on my heart the last 24 hours since I shared my last blog post.
I had an adoptive mother tell me I should just think of my experience in a different way. It’s up to me to basically be thankful and grateful.  We’re all adopted into God’s Kingdom so what’s the difference right?
Let me just say, that it always seems to be the adoptive mothers who want to speak up and tell me how I should fell. I wonder why this is? If a child lost their mother in a car accident and they grieved this loss later in life would you tell that child how they should feel? I doubt it.
The truth of the matter is, I am just now grieving my losses and I am 8 days away from turning 40 years old. Do you know why that is? Because I spent 37 years of my life being brain washed by my adoptive mother, family and the rest of society on how I should feel. They always made me feel guilty for wanting to know my first family. For simply wanting to know WHO I AM. This not only denied me the right to share my true real feelings, but it denied me the right to grieve my loss until I became old enough to identify my real feelings, and be brave enough to share them.
I realize my blog isn’t full of fancy flowers and rainbow dreams. But my blog is full of the truth on what adoption has done to me and the pain it’s inflicted on me and in return my children, and one day their children. Instead of judge me, why don’t you look at where the source of my pain is coming from. The root issue is abandonment & rejection from my birth mother giving me up for adoption. All of the crazy stuff with my adoptive mother just adds to that root cause. But the ROOT CAUSE is from me being given away, tossed to the side by both my birth parents. Adding to that, they didn’t accept me when I finally did find them. The other side of that is my adopters telling me I should just be thankful that they took me in when my birth family didn’t want me. They took away my right to cry for missing my birth mother. They took away my right to know and make memories with my biological siblings and their children. Memories lost, never to be found.  They took away my right to grieve my loss. I could never share my feelings growing up, and this is why I share them now. They confused me because even when my feelings were of complete sadness and despair, they told me I had no right to feel that way. Now as an adult, I know I have a right to feel that way. If you lost your entire family in a car wreck wouldn’t you be sad about loosing them? Of course. Same thing but hopefully you had a chance to make some lasting memories with your loved ones. Adoptees don’t get that chance. 
It may be different for some adoptees, but I feel like I was adopted to fulfill my adoptive mothers desires to be a mother. I think she cares more about who’s going to take care of her when shes old, and the self-satisfaction she gets when someone calls her “Mother”. She still desires these things even when she’s never been a mother to me.
As for being adopted into God’s kingdom. I do believe I am adopted into Gods kingdom but there is a big difference. I had to make that choice to become a Christian and give my life to Christ. I had all the decision making into that factor of my life. I can say it was the best decision of my life, but I made it for myself. My church family is my family. I am thankful to God for them every day because they have shown me what REAL FAMILY Is all about. They have loved me unconditionally with no strings attached. They have taught me something that adoption hasn’t taught me. To love with no conditions. Adoption is the other way around.
I heard yesterday on the “How Does It Feel To Be Adopted” page ( www.facebook.com/howdoesitfeeltobeadopted) one of my fellow adoptees said in response to adoptive parents and society telling her how to feel,

“If you shared the same history as me, you may share the same sentiments”

Thanks Alex Bird! ❤

That was beautifully said and I couldn’t have said it any better. As long as I’m walking out my recovery journey and healing from the pain from my past from my adoption experience, I will share my feelings and my story. I will grieve my losses how I need to, just like you will grieve your losses how you need to. I know that I’m reaching other adoptees who have always felt alone, and I’m also reaching those adoptive parents who want to receive what an adult adoptee has to say because I have lived in the shoes of what their child is living. I believe that in time things will get easier, and maybe one day my blog will taper off into sweet nothings, but right now when I’m FINALLY able to speak freely about how it feels to be adopted, and share my journey and insight with the world some of what you read will be very painful.  If I wasn’t denied the right to grieve my losses growing up, I may not be grieving them by blogging about my feelings at 40 years old. Instead of judge me, maybe say a prayer for me.  I will do the same for you.
Let me ask, since you made it this far. How do you respond when others tell you how you should feel about being adopted?  What seems to work for you?  

Thanks for being here and for being a part of my journey! 

Somewhere Between Here & There, Accepting the Pain

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m at a place where I need to accept this lifetime of adoptee pain. I don’t understand how on earth society doesn’t understand there is so much more to adoption that a cute little baby to complete a family.
I’ve done everything I can think of to work on healing from the pain I experience daily. I ran for 26 years because the pain was too great. I numbed myself with drugs, alcohol, sex and things that were a threat to my life and soul. I didn’t understand the depths of my pain because I spent 37 years being told to be thankful and grateful for someone taking me in when my own mother and biological family didn’t want me.  It was beyond confusing to know this pain was coming from the same place I was expected to be grateful. And they wonder why I drank to cope. What else was I supposed to do? I saw counselors from the time I was 5 years old until I was an adult. Never once was my “Adoption” brought up or spoke about. The counselors swept these issues adoptees face under the rug, just like my adoptive family did. My feelings were never to exist, never to be spoken of. My history was gone just like that.
I was in and out of juvenile jail, in so many fights I can’t even begin to count, I was a teenager full of pain and no one would acknowledge my real root issue, where the trauma began. That was being separated from my biological mother at the beginning of life. I can’t help but wonder why the psychologists and counselors never acknowledged this to be a root issue or a trauma? Did they truly not know? Or were they fed the propaganda the rest of the world has been fed. Keep quiet, pretend and lies are okay, because were actually protecting the child? Little do they know that child will one day grow up and have questions and more questions? We will want answers and when we feel like we’ve been duped or like a rug has been pulled over our heads we will truly not feel like we are a part of any family. Some days I feel like I’m an alien and I don’t’ even belong on this planet. I can’t figure out where I fit in, perhaps it’s somewhere between here and there? I’ve accepted the fact that I don’t’ fit in anywhere and it will solve me a lot of heart ache and grief for the future to come.
As I have been on this healing journey, which started in 2011 so much has come to light for me. I knew I had a lot of feelings deep inside that needed to be acknowledged but as I began to write and uncover my feelings I was able to identify that my root issues to my low self-esteem, anger, rage, and feelings of abandonment and rejection stem back to being separated from my first family. The other side is my adoptive family pretending they didn’t exist and making me feel guilty for wanting to know them and love them, even if they didn’t want to know and love me. This has been heartbreaking! I started drinking at 12 years old and drank heavily my whole life because I didn’t want to face the pain. About a year into my healing journey I decided it was time to throw in the towel on my drinking habit and start a recovery program. The day before my “Birth”day (which feels like dooms day to me) I will celebrate 2 years of sobriety. This has been the hardest 2 years of my life. I keep waiting on something magical to happen. Okay, I got sober… NOW WHAT? I’ve been writing for 2 years, I’ve been mentoring and leading in a recovery ministry and I’ve been working really hard at identifying with my real adoptee feelings. I have stood up in front of approx. 100 people and read my testimony out loud which shares a lot of my adoptee experience which is a healing experience. I have worked on writing exercises and workbooks for adoptees. I help others search for their long lost family members because search and reunions will always have a special place in my heart.  I have been seeing a lay pastor for over a year about my life and my adoptee issues. I read adoptee books, I reach out to other adoptees online because they are the only ones that know how I feel and can relate. I wake up and pray daily and thank God for another day on earth with my kids. I pray and ask him to help me heal, to give me strength to get through another day. I ask God to help me find my purpose in this world. I go to work and take care of the elderly for a living and I absolutely love what I do. I surround myself with positive people and I’m very active in my church. I serve on the Emergency Response team and the Social Media Team. I’m in leadership in Celebrate Recovery, which is a ministry for those overcoming hurts, habits & hang-ups of any kind. I spend every moment I can with my kids.
Yet, My heart is broken, I am so sad deep down, and I just can’t seem to shake this feeling. I keep waiting and waiting, but perhaps it’s time I just accept this fate of the life I was given. Healing may be possible for certain areas for me. For instance, I have healed and forgiven my birth mother. I’m not mad at her anymore, but in order to heal from that I needed to discover the truth. I needed to know the truth about WHY she gave me up and WHY she decided not to tell my birth father about me. With my adoptive family holding these secrets from me and the rest of the world it was IMPOSSIBLE for me to heal. Now that I have fought tooth and nail and uncovering WHO I AM, I can move forward in certain areas.
I hear other adoptees say the pain never goes away, some much older than I. I am starting to believe this. I am a believer that GOD HEALS, but maybe the pain I’m experiencing is supposed to stay so I can fight and help other adoptees make it through what I have been through? So I can keep telling my story so maybe someone somewhere will realize that there I so much more to adoption than completing YOUR family. I’m almost 40 and the pain is so great now, even after I have found everyone and been in reunion some years. Now it’s heavy on my mind at what I missed with my siblings.
EVERY SINGLE HOUR OF EVER SINGLE DAY I THINK OF MY FIRST FAMILY AND HOW I WISH I WAS CLOSER TO THEM AND WHAT I MISSED.
I’m going to write a blog post about all the reminders I experience in a given day.
Accepting this pain is here to stay is something I’m working on and praying that God takes my pain and uses it for his gain. I am so sick and tired of feeling this way. I’m extremely thankful for all the adoptees at www.facebook.com/howdoesitfeeltobeadoptedI created this Facebook like page in October 2012 and it’s been the best healing tool yet. I can see that I’m not alone, and the other adoptees can see they aren’t alone. If only more adoptive parents would read and try to understand how it feels to be adopted, maybe their kids would have a better chance at healing early on in life vs. never being given that chance like so many of us. My right to heal was stolen along with my history. This has to change. We can’t accept anything if it’s being kept a secret from us.
Thanks for reading!