1-2-3 Let the healing begin…

I keep reminding myself, that God is controlling this whole show, so I have to sit back, and let him and stop trying to control it myself.

On Aug 12, 2012 I decided I had enough alcohol in my life to last me a lifetime. I started reading The Big Book on August 15th. Started attending my my first AA meeting in my area on Aug 18, 2012. I started attending Celebrate Recovery at my church soon after, and today I am celebrating 39 days sobriety! I am in complete amazement. I am in the process of retraining my brain from all the things I have always done, to new and different exciting things.

The God starts placing people in my life and events that I truly need. For me to face the adoption issues head on, and have someone close to me to help me do it is an amazing thing, but I must admit I am pretty scared. I know how I feel about adoption, and I know how a lot of adopted parents feel about adoption, and I’m praying this won’t create some sort of clash between me and this wonderful woman, who I can now call a friend. I pray that God gives me the right words to use, and the right things to say so that maybe I can help her understand a little better of what her adopted son might be going through, or what he might face in the future. I think God has put us in each others lives for many reasons.

This is the newest event in my life. I am very blessed and thankful to be here, and can’t wait to see what the future has in store for me.I am living walking proof there is a God and there is nothing anyone can say or do to make me believe otherwise.

The Roof Didn’t Cave In On Me…

As I was getting ready to head to an 8:00pm AA meeting last night, and as I looked in the mirror to get ready, curling my hair it dawned on me. I was REALLY getting READY to go to an AA meeting on a Saturday night. I was in total amazement that this was really happening. I was thinking in the back of my mind, “Watch the roof cave in!”. LOL I was in shock myself.

I recall many of nights, especially weekends where I look in that same mirror to get ready to go to happy hour, or to go out with my friends and drink. So many times I could never even dream of counting. I finished getting ready, and I told my kids what I was doing. I  gave them hugs and kisses and told them I would be back. It was another crazy moment for me, because so many times I would go out and drink with my friends, and when they would ask me when I was coming home, I would reply, “I’m grown, I don’t have a time, but I will be back, Love u!”. And it seems like that no matter when or where I went, that time was always later and later.

This time was different. I hugged them tight, and let them know I will be back around 10:30pm at the latest. This made me feel great that I not only was going to do something productive, but I was able to keep my word to my kids, and I did return home but it was a little after 10:30pm. It was closer to 11:00pm, but that’s because I went with some friends to have coffee, but my kids knew I was on my way.

I stopped to get gas. I went in, paid and got a diet 7-Up. I came out and had another moment where I was amazed that I wasn’t coming out with a 12 pack of beer like I have so many millions of times before. It was another little form of what I call “VICTORY”. It was a smile in my heart, but no one knew it but me.

I was excited to come home sober, and go to bed sober, All though the coffee had my heart racing when I was trying to go to sleep, but that’s okay. I should have known better than to drink it that late anyway. 🙂 It was worth it.

I was nervous getting my 30 day token (35 days today), because I’m sort of shy standing up in front of people I don’t know, but something about this group I have been going to downtown has just won my heart. I am such a home body, and I have been trying to go to meetings in my area, because it’s closer travel wise, but going downtown gets me out of my comfort zone, and takes me to an area I love. Downtown. I love the vibe and the business of it, the flow of traffic, and people everywhere. Most of the time people are friendly. Coffee shops, and small cafes. My heart is downtown, and you can have a lot of fun downtown with no money at all.

So after I received my 30 day token, the guy gave me a hug, and everyone clapped for me. I can’t tell you the new found freedom I felt when everyone said, “Congratulations, Keep comin back!”. They really made me feel like home. I decided to make this group my home group. Put my name in the Birthday Book, (Sobriety Date) which for me is my new “Birth” day. That is the date I started LIVING and it cancels out the date my birth mother gave me away. I’m very happy with this, and I believe in my whole heart, that God has this under control.

One other thing I’m realizing is that certain friendships are going to die, because I’m not the person I used to be. Things are different, and times have changed. Part of me is sad about this, but another part of me is being at peace that God is going to put new people in my life to take the place of the old, and I have to keep reminding myself of that. Some days are harder than others, but nothing in the future will be any harder then the last 38 years and knowing that, I can smile.

I’m learning from some old timers I’ve met in the rooms, that among the other millions of things I am thankful for, they have reminded me that I’m young. They didn’t “GET IT” until they were much older than me. I still have so much life left to live, and I am totally on the right track, with positive purpose on my mind. I have met some people that have hit rock bottom to where they have been homeless and lost everything, and they have the spirit that soars with JESUS in their lives like you wouldn’t ever imagine! I find that AMAZING! I mean literally walking miracles, and if they can feel that, and speak that, and BE THAT then I can too!

TODAY: I am so thankful for AA and Celebrate Recovery, and all the people God is putting in my life.

Pen & Paper

I just wanted to let you all know I am taking a little more time doing some writing and not through a keypad, a key board, a phone. I’m writing with a plane ole pen and paper. 🙂

I’ve decided that I’m going to join NAMN- National Association of Memoir Writers, and begin the process to write a memoir on my life. What it’s been like being adopted in the closed adoption era, growing up in a single parent home, wondering and searching for my biological family and then being rejected by the ones that should love me the most. I want to share how God has rescued me from my destructive past, and how the one that that I always counted on, relied on,and couldn’t do with out is no longer a part of my life. That one thing is “ALCOHOL”.After knowing that BOTH of my biological parents are/were alcoholics, I have decided I’m going to break the generational curse. God has restored me, and I must tell it to the world. How did I get to this point? It’s not going to be an easy journey, but sense when was life easy?

Instead of being signed onto my Twitter and Facebook on my cell phone, I’m signing out, and I’m going to have my pen and paper handy so I can write my little heart out. I will still be in the Social Media world, and you will still see me from time to time, but if you ever wondered where I’m at, I’m working the 12 steps, and the 12 principles. I’m going to AA meetings, and Celebrate Recovery. I’m also in a Celebrate Recovery Step Study that is amazing. I’m meeting every Friday with a temporary sponsor to help me with working the steps, and she is AWESOME! I will also be writing. God is doing some amazing things in my life.

National Association of Memoir Writers has a ton of resources available on their site, and if you become a member, it’s all free. Teleseminars, Workshops, EBooks, Writing Tips/Tricks, Instructional Videos, and a HUGE network of memoir writers to communicate with. I’m learning how a memoir is suppose to be formatted, and what you should and shouldn’t include. How to weave the stories, and how to captivate your readers to continue reading.

Honestly it might take me a few years, but I’m starting now, one day at a time. This has been one of the things I have had on my mind of doing for about 6-8 months now. Because alcohol is no longer a part of my life, I’m able to cherish every single morning (and moment) that God brings me,and I can wake up with a clear mind, AND WRITE!